Who do you think you are? (and why that question is key to thriving)
Becoming a quietly ambitious woman who thrives isn’t about doing more or changing who you are. It’s about seeing yourself differently and owning who you’ve always been. Here's how that shift happens.
A few years ago, a friend I’d just met looked at me and said something that stopped me in my tracks:
“Oh, you’re fit, you must be very sporty.”
Now, I wasn’t. Not then. In all fairness, not really ever, apart from a brief phase when I reshaped my life and quit smoking.
But I remember freezing slightly, surprised. That’s not how I saw myself at all.
Yet she said it with such certainty, such casual truth, that it made me pause.
What if I could just... choose to become that person?
What if being “sporty” — or anything else — wasn’t a fixed identity, but something I could grow into?
It seems small, but it was my first real encounter with identity as something flexible.
Malleable. Expansive. Available. Mine to shape.
And in that moment, I realised: identity is more fluid than we think.
It isn’t set in stone. It’s not defined by the past.
It’s a choice.
That moment may have been about something light, like fitness —
But what if the same truth applied to something deeper?
What if I could also choose to see myself as a leader, a creator, a woman who thrives, not just survives?
Why identity shapes everything (and why it’s the missing link)
You can’t out-strategise your identity.
You can’t implement your way into a future you don’t believe you belong to.
So if you’ve been doing the work — learning, planning, trying, showing up —
But something still feels… off?
It might not be about what you’re doing.
It might be about who you believe you are.
Because here's the hard truth:
If your identity is still rooted in the version of you who doubts, delays, or downplays herself…
You’ll keep finding ways to prove her right.
You’ll second-guess decisions that stretch you.
You’ll water down your ambitions to feel “reasonable.”
You’ll hesitate to take up space or ask for more, even when you’ve earned it.
Not because you don’t want to thrive.
But because the image you hold of yourself hasn’t caught up with your desires.
What real identity shift looks like (and what it doesn’t)
Identity shifts are rarely loud.
They don’t come with dramatic declarations or overnight reinventions.
More often, they unfold quietly — in the way you speak to yourself, show up in your day, make decisions, or recover after a wobble.
But they require intention.
And, spoiler alert, they always bring discomfort.
Because every identity shift includes a moment of grief.
You have to say goodbye to the version of you who kept you safe for so long:
The version who played small to stay liked
The version who needed a plan to feel worthy
The version who made herself palatable, predictable, perfect
It’s tender work — not because you’re becoming someone else.
But because you’re finally coming home to the woman you were always meant to be.
Identity shift isn’t about changing your essence.
It’s about taking full ownership of it.
It’s not about becoming louder, bolder, or more assertive just for the sake (read: fake) of it.
It’s about aligning with what you value, what you know, and what you’re no longer willing to tolerate.
It’s about stepping out of roles you’ve outgrown and staying grounded in who you’re choosing to be next.
How identity shifts actually happen (the mechanics of becoming)
Shifting your identity isn’t about repeating affirmations until they stick.
It’s about rewiring how you relate to yourself, layer by layer:
1. Clarify the identity you’re stepping into
What does thriving on your terms really look like?
Once you know that, you can ask: “Who is the woman who lives that life?”
Start practising the sentence: “I’m the kind of person who…” and finish it with the habits, choices, and mindset that align with your future.
2. Adopt new beliefs
What does this next version of you believe is possible?
What truths does she stand on?
What stories about yourself are you still carrying, and are they even true?
3. Catch your thoughts
What do you say to yourself when no one’s listening?
Are your inner dialogues expanding you or keeping you stuck?
Start noticing — without judgement — and consciously choose new thoughts that match the identity you’re stepping into.
4. Watch your words
Do you talk about your future as a maybe… or as a certainty?
Are you telling others the same story you’re trying to outgrow?
Speak from the version of you who already knows what she’s building.
5. Create new habits
You don’t have to fake anything.
But you do need to choose — again and again — the small, daily actions that anchor you into who you’re becoming.
Over time, those micro-choices compound. They ripple into how you make decisions, respond to challenges, and shape your life.
Because identity isn’t a finish line.
It’s a daily practice. One that shapes your capacity to thrive.
And this is why identity work matters so much:
To create the life you desire, the sequence isn’t do more to have more.
It’s be → do → have.
First, you become the kind of woman who holds what she wants.
Then, you take action from that place.
And then, you receive what aligns with that version of you.
And what if it still feels scary?
It will. Growth always is.
Even when you know you’re ready, part of you will resist.
Because claiming a new identity means letting go of the comfort of the known.
It means disappointing others who benefited from your self-abandonment.
It means releasing control and choosing… trust.
It means walking with doubt and still choosing… not to shrink.
But here’s the gift on the other side:
You stop needing to prove yourself.
You start trusting yourself.
You no longer define yourself by how others see you.
You define yourself by how you choose to show up — for you.
And that’s when thriving becomes your baseline, not your exception.
What if you’re already becoming her?
The moment you start seeing yourself differently, something shifts.
You move from “Can I really do this?”
To “What would change if I fully backed myself?”
From “I hope they see my value”
To “I know my worth, and I act like it.”
From aspiring… to embodying.
Because the woman who thrives doesn’t need to hustle for her identity.
She lives it. She breathes it. She chooses it daily.
And so can you.
But here’s the part we don’t talk about enough:
Identity shift isn’t just about stepping into something new.
It’s also about standing for something.
Which means boundaries.
And that’s where we’re going next.
In the next issue, we’ll talk about how boundaries evolve with identity and why thriving on your terms means getting crystal clear on what you allow, protect, and honour.
Because when you start owning who you are,
You also start owning what you’re no longer available for.
Here’s to thriving… your way, obviously 😉
À très bientôt,
Nathalie
Now I’d love to hear from you…
If you fully backed yourself today, what would you do differently?
Or send me a private message if that feels more comfortable. I always read and reply.
Want to go deeper?
🌱 Take the free Thrive Your Way Assessment to uncover exactly where you’re stuck, what’s holding you back—and your best next step to thrive professionally and financially on your terms.
🌿 Book your Jumpstart Session: a 90-minute deep dive to get unstuck and walk away with a clear, strategic action plan for your most pressing professional challenge.
Make meaningful progress in your career… on your terms.
📌 P.S. Enjoying the Thrive Your Way newsletter? Here are 4 simple ways to support it:
Like or restack this article to help more quietly ambitious women find it
Share it with a friend or colleague who’d love it
Send me a message to say hi or share what resonated
Know a company, community or podcast where the Thrive Your Way message belongs? I’d love to hear about it
Thank you for being part of this movement and helping Thrive Your Way reach more quietly ambitious women 💚