She said I lacked convictions… and she was right
A punchy statement stayed with me for years. I thought it meant I was missing something. But it turned out to hold the key to self-ownership and thriving on my terms: clear, grounded boundaries.
I was in my early twenties when my therapist said something that stuck with me for years.
“You lack convictions.”
That was it. No harsh tone, no big explanation. Just a quiet statement in the middle of a session I can’t even remember the rest of.
At the time, I nodded along as if I understood, but I didn’t.
It sounded like something was missing in me, like I wasn’t formed enough. It wasn’t an insult, but it felt unsettling. What did it mean to lack convictions?
I didn’t have the clarity or courage to ask.
But years later, I finally came to understand.
It wasn’t that I had no opinions.
It’s that I didn’t trust them.
I was so attuned to others‘ needs, moods, and expectations that I wasn’t anchored in my own.
It wasn’t intentional self-abandonment.
It was subtle. Quiet. Conditioned.
I was lacking convictions, which means I was lacking solid ground to build my boundaries.
And that’s the thing about boundaries, they’re not just about saying no.
They’re about knowing where you begin and end.
Why this matters so deeply
When you’re someone who wants to grow, lead, create, contribute, you need energy. You need focus. You need direction.
But without convictions, without inner clarity about who you are and what you stand for, it’s incredibly easy to get pulled off course.
You end up giving time you didn’t really have.
Agreeing to things that drain you.
Saying yes out of habit, guilt, or fear of being perceived as difficult.
And slowly, quietly, you disconnect from yourself.
That disconnection can look like:
Feeling resentful but unsure why
Constantly second-guessing yourself
Struggling to say what you really want
The truth is, you can’t own your life if you don’t own your boundaries.
And you can’t own your boundaries if you’re not anchored in who you are.
So what is a boundary really?
It’s not a fence.
It’s not about control.
And it’s not a list of hard rules.
A boundary is an internal clarity expressed externally.
It’s a declaration, even if softly made, that says:
“I value this. I honour this.
And I will protect this.”
It might sound like:
“I need more time before I say yes.”
“I’m no longer taking on unpaid work.”
“This isn’t aligned with where I’m heading.”
Not rude. Not harsh. Just true… to you.
Setting boundaries starts with knowing what you protect
Here’s the part most people miss:
Boundaries aren’t about rejection.
They’re about protection.
What are you protecting? Your time? Your well-being? Your capacity for the things that do matter?
Before you try to set a new boundary, try asking:
What version of myself am I standing up for here?
Because boundaries aren’t just tools. They’re mirrors.
They show you what you believe you’re worthy of.
How to create boundaries from ownership, not guilt
1. Start with your non-negotiables
What do you need to feel like yourself?
Space? Rest? Respect? Creative time? The clearer you are, the easier it is to protect it.
If you're becoming the woman who thrives, what does she no longer tolerate?
2. Expect discomfort, but let it come without guilt
You might feel bad for saying no.
You might feel like you're letting people down.
But you’re not letting them down.
You’re finally lifting yourself up.
3. Don’t explain your truth away
“I can’t make that work at the moment.”
“I’m focusing elsewhere right now.”
“This doesn’t feel right for me.”
No over-apologies. No justifying. Clarity is enough.
4. Let your identity lead
When you see yourself as someone who honours her energy, her growth, her clarity, your boundaries follow suit.
It becomes less about the discomfort of saying no, and more about the joy of being in alignment.
The turning point: Self-ownership
There’s a quiet revolution that happens when you stop asking, “Will they understand?”
And start asking, “Is this right for me?”
Boundaries become less about managing others.
And more about expressing who you are.
You stop over-explaining.
You stop proving.
You stop saying yes just to avoid discomfort.
And you start standing up, not against others, but for yourself.
What if this is the moment you start choosing differently?
What if saying no isn’t about rejection, but affirmation?
And what if the most powerful move you can make right now…
Is deciding what and who you’re no longer available for?
Because protecting your priorities doesn’t limit your life.
It expands it.
When you claim your boundaries, you reclaim your energy.
And energy is exactly what you need to take your next aligned step.
In the next issue, we’ll explore the final pillar of self-empowerment: agency, and how to move from reflection to momentum.
We’ll talk about active self-leadership and the quiet, grounded actions that can change everything.
Here’s to thriving… your way, of course 😉
À très bientôt,
Nathalie
Now I’d love to hear from you…
What’s one thing you’re no longer available for, and what does that boundary make space for?
Or send me a private message if that feels more comfortable. I always read and reply.
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