Survival mode is not a strategy (when too much resilience kills resilience)
When constantly pushing through keeps you stuck in survival mode and away from the growth you truly want, what’s the alternative?
I like to start these articles with a personal story.
But as I sat down to write about resilience today, I realised something unexpected:
I don’t have just one story to share.
I’ve had so many career pivots. So many seasons of starting again. So many moments where I had no choice but to keep going, even when it was hard. Even when it hurt.
And I’m guessing you have too.
Especially as women, we’re taught that resilience is a virtue. That being able to hold it all, push through, stay strong, is the goal.
But here’s the thought I’ve been holding for a while:
What if too much resilience kills resilience?
What if constantly pushing through keeps us stuck in survival mode?
Since pivoting out of corporate and into entrepreneurship a few years ago, I’ve learned this the hard way.
The mindset, habits, and grit that helped me build a thriving corporate career?
They weren’t serving me anymore.
I realised I’d been operating in survival mode for years — if not forever.
I was achieving, yes. But I was also bracing. Always anticipating the next challenge, the next moment I’d have to “prove myself” again.
And I don’t think I’m alone in that.
Why we’re so good at surviving (and why it’s a trap)
If you’re anything like the women I work with, your resilience runs deep.
You’ve handled pressure.
Navigated change.
Delivered results no matter the circumstances.
Adapted, excelled, endured.
You’ve been the safe pair of hands. The quiet rock. The one who gets it done.
But somewhere along the way, resilience became your default state, not your recovery tool.
Instead of a strength you draw on when needed, it became the way you live.
And when survival mode becomes your baseline, thriving starts to feel impossible.
Because here’s what survival mode doesn’t leave space for:
Taking real creative risks
Feeling joy, ease, or excitement
Receiving support
Honouring your limits
Truly owning your success
It’s not your fault. It’s the conditioning.
You were taught to be strong, not soft. Capable, not needy. Unshakeable, not emotional.
But resilience without rest isn’t power. It’s depletion.
“Constant resilience” isn’t a badge of honour. It’s a surefire way to lose yourself.
What no one tells you about real resilience
We think resilience is about mental toughness.
But true resilience starts in the body.
It’s nervous system safety that makes you feel calm enough to reflect, grounded enough to choose, and stable enough to lead through change.
It’s not about pushing through discomfort.
It’s about being able to stay present when things get hard without shutting down or spiralling.
Because when you’re regulated, you don’t need everything to go perfectly.
You just need to know you can meet whatever comes.
So if you’ve been feeling exhausted… or unexpectedly fragile after “doing all the right things”… or secretly scared that one more thing might break you?
You’re not weak.
You’re just not meant to be in emergency mode all the time.
And if your version of thriving still feels like bracing?
Then it might be time to rebuild what resilience really looks like.
How to build safety internally so you no longer have to outsource it
Here’s what I’ve been practising (and what’s been life-changing for the women I coach):
1. Start with noticing
Not fixing, not judging.
Just noticing. When do you brace? When do you freeze? What makes you feel calm or safe again?
2. Let rest be active, not passive
Rest isn’t just lying on the sofa. It’s regulating your breath. Taking a slow walk. Doing something creative or repetitive. Switching from high alert to low gear.
3. Choose familiar anchors in unfamiliar moments
When you’re stepping into something new — a conversation, a challenge, a big next step — bring something known with you. A ritual, a question, a mantra, even a scent. It tells your body, “We’ve got this.”
4. Stop outsourcing your sense of safety
Promotions, praise, routines… they help. But they can’t carry it all.
Real safety starts with learning to self-soothe and self-resource when things wobble.
5. Don’t wait for the storm to pass to tend to your nervous system
Prevention beats recovery. Build your toolkit before you’re at capacity. That way, when hard things happen, you’re not starting from empty.
There’s also this:
The more safety you build inside, the more self-trust you grow.
It becomes a quiet knowing that no matter what happens, you can handle it.
Not because you’re hardened. Not because you’re a “tough cookie.”
But because you’re deeply resourced.
Because you’ve met yourself in hard places before — and found a way through.
Because you know how to ask for help. How to pause. How to choose again.
That’s not fragility. That’s self-empowerment.
What if thriving wasn’t about doing more but feeling more anchored?
Thriving isn’t about becoming invincible.
It’s about becoming more present.
More steady. More able to hold expansion without fearing collapse.
Because here’s the truth I’m learning in this chapter of my life:
The women who thrive long-term are not the ones who never wobble.
They’re the ones who know how to recalibrate instead of retreating.
So if you’ve been growing lately and it’s felt… shaky?
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re just reaching a new edge.
And the question now isn’t Can I keep going?
It’s:
Can I become the version of me who feels safe being seen, supported, and successful even when things are uncertain?
This is the question we’ll answer in the next issue:
What does it really take to become the woman who thrives?
We’ll talk about self-image, identity shift, and the difference between forcing success… and embodying it.
Because the next version of you isn’t built on pressure.
She’s built on presence.
Here’s to thriving… your way, obviously 😉
À très bientôt,
Nathalie
Now I’d love to hear from you…
Does this resonate? Have you ever felt like “being strong” was costing you something important?
Or send me a private message if that feels more comfortable. I always read and reply.
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